Bizarre Caldera Academy
by Samantha Nuttly
Summary: Bowser sends his eight children to boarding school for the school year. However, peculiar events involving them and the school kick up, requiring the Koopalings and their acquaintances to put the strange happenings to rest.


== August ==

"Gosh, I hate school."

Bowser's eight children walk on the path from their school towards Bowser's castle. In the front of the pack, Larry, Morton and Roy discuss their hatred for their teachers.

"Right, Larry?" Morton grumbled, "Can't wait until I'm done with that fucking place."

"Dude, I just wanna drop out," Roy added.

Just behind the trio, Iggy, Lemmy and Ludwig shake their heads at the other three. Hearing his siblings' laments, the eldest koopaling cleared his throat.

"Give it up, you three. School's not as bad as it may seem. In fact, I find the institution to be quite pleasurable," Ludwig retorted.

"Shaddap, nerd! No one asked you!" Roy growled.

Meanwhile, in the back, Wendy wears a glare as she holds onto Bowser Jr's hand. The princess adjusts her pink bow before adding her complaint.

"Fun?! You're crazy!"

"I agree with Ludwig!" Lemmy cheered, "School's a blast!"

"I agree!" Iggy added.

The others remain silent as they approach the castle porch and open the doors. Sitting in the foyer is a fuming Bowser holding onto eight report cards from May.

"Umm…" Larry stuttered, "H-hi, Dad."

Bowser remains silent as he whips out one of the cards and shows it to the koopalings. The kids stare at the letter grades: every subject has an F, except for Gym which has an A+. The card's also filled with negative comments from each subject's teacher: "Please, King Koopa! Please don't let your son hurt me anymore!" – Mr. Toadley, English teacher; "Your son always smells like fire flowers when he comes in. I'm so concerned with him and possible drug use!" – Miss Kooplon, science teacher. A slew of other negative comments, from scoldings to pure fright, also appear. The koopalings look at the top left of the card and sees the chicken-scratch name: "Roie".

"Uhh…" Roy faltered.

"Roy! You spelled your name wrong, AND you wrote the R in the way the Russians do!" Bowser scolded.

"Then it's not me, Pops!" Roy defended.

The other kids giggle, until Bowser raises his hand at them.

"Quiet! I'm not done! Now, the rest of you!"

Bowser pulls out Morton's and Larry's cards, who also have several F's, with several of their teachers' comments highlighting Larry's in-class drug use, his cheating, and Morton's constant in-class cursing. He tosses the cards at them before opening up Wendy's card and noticing several C's and D's, followed by "She tries to bribe her way to an A" comments.

Wendy shrugs, "So?"

The king sighs before pulling Lemmy's and Junior's report cards, which shows F's everywhere, with "Lemmy's sweet, but he doesn't do his work!" and "Bowser only cries and complains all day!" comments. Bowser's face lightens a little when he opens Iggy's and Ludwig's cards, which shows A's in every subject except for F's in Gym and Art, along with messages of praise.

"Why can't you brats be like Ludwig or Iggy?"

The two geniuses beam at their father's approval.

"That's why I'm sending all of you to boarding school! I'm tired of all of you being failures!"

Iggy and Ludwig drop their smiles while the others start complaining.

"WHAT?!" Wendy cried, "Daddy, no! I don't wanna go to boarding school! I wanna stay here!"

"Yeah, Pops!" Roy agreed, "That's unfair!"

"Father, I've excelled in school, yet I must accompany these imbeciles in their punishment?" Ludwig rejected.

Bowser nods, "You got two F's, Ludwig! ALL of you are going! Now get in the car!"

* * *

The koopas are stuffed in a nine-seater van, with Bowser driving, Wendy and Junior in the front, Morton, Roy and Larry in the middle, and Ludwig, Lemmy and Iggy in the back. All the koopalings wear depressed expressions, other than Larry, Morton and Roy, who express anger and annoyance.

"Daddy! Please!" Junior cried.

"I can't believe I'm going to a fucking boarding school," Morton moaned, "This is complete horseshit!"

"Stop swearing around your younger brothers, Morton!" Bowser scolded, "And all of you are going. No exceptions!"

"But Daddy-"

"NO EXCEPTIONS!" Bowser interrupted Wendy, "And you'll be staying there for the entire school year!"

After several complaints from the Koopalings and numerous scoldings from Bowser, the van pulls up to a fancy complex featuring several buildings. An arch with a sign stating "Caldera Academy" stretches above the road leading into the complex. Inside, several vans wait in front of Bowser, and other students each grab their belongings from their respective vans.

"You're here," Bowser stated, "Now get your things and scram! Don't return until your grades are better!"

The Koopalings reluctantly leave the van, each grabbing the suitcase they hastily packed. As Junior steps out the van and grabs his things, Bowser zooms away from the complex. The shocked koopalings exchange looks.

"Well, Dad's serious," Ludwig sighed, "Let's get inside and check in."

The Koopalings enter the main building. They each received their room key and got informed that each will have a roommate. After, each koopa meets with the doctor to get weighed, fill out allergy awareness forms and to declare emergency contacts. They then sign an 8-month lease and a curfew agreement. The security then checks the Koopalings' bags for any contrabands, which Roy, Larry and Morton hurriedly hide their fire flower stashes inside their shells before the guards can confiscate them.

"Thank you, Koopalings," the receptionist stated, "Now, please go to your rooms. Dinner will be served at 6 o'clock."

The koopas exit the main building and congregate around the outside plaza, each staring at another's room key.

"Lemmy and I are roommates!" Iggy cheered, "This will be awesome!"

"Yeah!" Lemmy agreed.

The others, not looking forward to meeting their roommates, sigh.

"Good luck, guys!" Lemmy said his farewells, "Iggy and I are off to our room!"

* * *

Entering the northernmost building, Ludwig stares at his keys again. Room J304. This must be on the third floor.

Not interested in keeping himself physically fit, Ludwig presses the elevator call button, and the doors open that instant. The elevator rises as he presses the 3, and arrives onto his floor without interruption. He crosses his fingers as he opens the door to Room 304, and cringes when he sees his roommate.

"Wah!" the roommate cried as he hides his skinny, undressed body with his black-and-purple attire.

"… Waluigi?" Ludwig sighed, "You're my roommate…"

"Ahh! I'm afraid of roommates!"

"Why are you at school? You're an adult."

"I never passed senior year. This is my 17th attempt."

Ludwig groaned.

* * *

"There better not be punks in here!" Roy threatened as he kicks open his door to Room K263 in the building just east of Ludwig's. Lying on the room's bed is a strange dog-like creature with a pink afro, white suit and yellow-framed sunglasses. Roy growled at the sunglasses; that's supposed to be his gig!

Hearing the door open, his roommate perks up before looking at Roy.

"Mademoiselle! Your gorgeousness zhows me heaven exists! Thees eez true, my love."

Roy stares wide-eyed at his roommate before grumbling, "Stop flirting with me! I'm not gay!"

"My love for you, Mademoiselle," The roommate stood up as he walks towards Roy, "Eet's like dividing by zero; eet just cannot be defined."

"Back away from me, punk, or I'll POUND you!"

"Playing hard to get, Ma Chèrie; my love ever so extends to you. I smell your Eau de Parfum een my dreams, Mon Mineu."

"I'm NOT a girl!"

"You-"

Roy punches his roommate as he gets closer to the koopa, knocking him out. Roy stares down at the roommate's white outfit and sees the name "Dupree" written in elegant cursive on his left pec.

"… I'm with this freak," Roy growled. He's tempted to pull a few baggies from his shell and just take a huge rip from the banned substances.

* * *

Wendy crosses her fingers, hoping her roommate's bearable. She always heard terrible things about having a roommate, resulting in her setting her standards low. She figures it'd be better than facing the disappointment in person.

She unlocks the door to O182 and pushes it open.

A green-shelled common koopa wearing a green beret sits on the couch, typing away on her laptop. Hearing the door's squeak, the koopa looks towards the door and smiles.

"Hi!" the koopa greeted as she stands up, "My name's Kylie!"

"Um, hi Kylie. I'm Wendy," Wendy greeted.

"Nice to meet you, Wendy! So, your room's down that hallway, to the right. I redecorated it and cleaned it a little bit earlier. It'd be rude for a new roommate to see the condition my old awful roommate left it," Kylie sighed, "Sorry, but I'm a huge neat-freak."

"Me too. I HATE being in dirty places."

Kylie nodded, "I work as the school newspaper editor and journalist here. I can show you after-school activities and events the school pulls off the moment the newspaper finds out."

"That'd be great. Thanks, Kylie!"

"And I can show you around also. Is tomorrow good?"

Wendy beamed. Perhaps having a roommate won't be so bad after all.

* * *

At his apartment, Morton opens the door. Rather than finding another inhabitant, he only sees darkness. Confused, he turns on the lights; the place hasn't been disturbed in days, if not weeks.

He rubs a claw on the dusty counter. Does he not have a roommate? Of course, he won't complain at the fact, but the school says they're at capacity, and each room's meant for at least two roommates.

He checks a paper left on the counter with two names: Morton Koopa Junior, and Red. He questions who Red is; he's obviously not coming.

Morton shrugs. At least he can finish off smoking his fire flower stash without anyone disturbing him.

* * *

Like Roy and Morton, Larry's also tempted to reveal the substances from his shell and take a hit – dealing with goody-two-shoes stresses him out – but he needs to find out who his roommate is. Fingers crossed, he pushes his door open.

"Hi there!"

Larry rubs his eyes before staring back at his roommate.

"… Toad?!"

"That's me!" Toad nodded, "I'm part of the Students Against Drug Abuse and Crime organization, or SADAC for short! Our movement's goal is to get criminals and drug addicts rehabilitated or kicked off campus, so that we have a safe environment for everyone."

"Uhh… That's neat," Larry said, not enjoying his roommate's social positions.

"As long as you're good, you have nothing to worry about. My last roommate got kicked out for abusing ultra shrooms," Toad stated, adding a wink afterwards.

Larry shivered; he definitely needs the packets' calming aid, but he also doesn't want to be reported by his roommate just yet.

"Umm… I need to walk around…" Larry retreated from the room, closes the door and dashes down the hall.

* * *

Junior looks around his room. Unlike the others, Junior's young age prevents him from having a room of his own, resulting in him sharing a common area with about ten other kids. The majority of them are either little koopa troopas distracted by the toys within the room, or small mushroomers crying to go back home.

However, one kid catches Junior off-guard. The kid, lounging in the bottom half of a cracked egg while wearing the top half, glares at Junior.

"Who are you?" the kid questioned, "And why are you on my turf?"

"This is my room," Junior stated, "Who are you?"

"I'm the boss here, loser!" the kid commanded, "I am Jr. Troopa, and you will do what I say!"

"What if I don't?" Junior asked.

"Then I'll tell the teachers that you made fun of my shell!" Jr. Troopa winked, "Got many wimps banned from my playground. Don't be one of them, punk!"

"Fine," Junior sighed before muttering, "Almost as bad as Roy…"

"You say something?"

"No…"

"That's what I thought."

Junior sighed. He can tell this will be a long school year.

* * *

**A/N: I'll end it here for now. I just wanted to use this chapter to get the basics covered, especially the roommates. The actual story events will begin next chapter!**


End file.
